I realised just today, in fact, only right now that I haven't sorta posted jokes before. like one liner jokes dat kinda.. I was just goin thru some i found on this website http://www.geocities.com/BourbonStreet/Delta/9590/ and i'm havin a good laugh! some are corny, but some are pretty good~ These jokes are musician in nature, in particular, horn players like saxophonists, so here's to them~

What's the difference between a garbage truck and a bass sax...
One's a massive, noisy, scum-encrusted hulk and the other is a public sanitation vehicle.


What is the difference between a saxophone and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.


What's the difference between a saxophone and a vacuum cleaner?
You have to plug in the vacuum cleaner before it sucks.

Light Bulb Jokes
How many soprano sax players does it take to change a light bulb?
Better get the drummer to do it. The sopranos are all busy fighting about Kenny G.


How many tenor players does it take to change a light bulb?
- None. She will get her boyfriend the drummer to do it.
- Just one, but she'll take two hours trying to find just the right one.


How many bari players does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- Ten. One to hold the light bulb and nine to drink until the room spins.
- One. But the vibrato will break three bulbs.
- Don't let them! They'll drool in the light socket and electrocute themselves!
- Well, if it takes an IQ of ten to screw in a light bulb...Two Hundred.


One day, Saint Peter was interviewing a group of men to see if they should be let into Heaven...
He asked the first man what good deeds he had done in his life. "Well, I struck it rich in the oil business when I was young. While I was alive I earned a few million and donated half of that to charity." "Very good. Go on in," said Saint Peter.

"What did you accomplish in your lifetime?" he asked the second guy. "I invested in Microsoft and made three billion dollars. I left it to my children so that now none of my children, grandchildren, or great-grandchildren will ever have to work," he proudly replied. "That's amazing!" exclaimed Saint Peter, "Go on in".

Now the third person walked slowly up to Saint Peter. "What did you do to better the world?" Saint Peter asked. "Well, I only made five thousand dollars", he replied humbly. Saint Peter then asked, "What instrument did you play?".


Two salesmen are in a bar...
One says to the other, "I bet you I can relate to anyone in this bar, I'm such a good salesman." The other replies, "You think so, huh? Well, sure. But I pick the guys." "Ok," says the first, "you're on."
The other grabs the guy sitting at the table next to them and tells the first salesman, "Here, this one." This first subject is dressed in a three-piece suit and is carrying Wall Street Week. The salesman asks him, "What's your IQ?" "190." So they chat for a while about the stock market, particle physics, and Non-Euclidean geometry.

"Ok," says the other salesman, "That was pretty good, but you still have two to go." He looks around and grabs a guy dressed in jeans, a tee-shirt, and a baseball cap worn backwards. The salesman asks him "What's you're IQ?" "About 100." So they chat for a while about baseball, cars, and the various women in the bar.

"Fine," says the other salesman, "But there's still one to go." He goes to the back of the bar and grabs a really scummy looking guy in a muscle shirt and shorts. The salesman asks him "What's your IQ?"

"About 60."

"What kind of reeds do you use?"


How is a tenor solo like a sneeze?
You can tell it's coming but you can't do anything about it.


How does a bari sax player's brain cell die?
Alone.


What do you say to a sax player in a three piece suit?
Will the defendant please rise.


How do altos greet each other?
"Hi. I'm better than you".


Why are bari saxes so big?
It's just an optical illusion. The baris aren't big, it is just that the player's heads are so small.


Why are alto's so small?
It's just an optical illusion. The altos aren't small, it is just that the player's heads are so big.


What do you call a tenor saxophonist without any money?
A professional.


What do you call a saxophonist after his girlfriend breaks up with him?
Homeless.


This one had me chokin in my seat haha!

A saxophonist comes home late from a gig...
Too tired to carry her sax upstairs, she decides to leave it in the car for the night. When she wakes up she heads to her car only to see the back window smashed in. When she looks inside she sees two saxes.


How do you get a jazz tenor to play softer?
Give him some music.

How do you get a jazz tenor to stop playing?
Put notes on the music.


How do you know if a saxophonist is at your door?
His hat says "Pizza Hut".

How do you improve the aerodynamics of a saxophonist's car?
Take off the Pizza Hut sign.


A group of terrorists hijacked a plane full of alto players...
They called down to ground control with their list of demands and added that if their demands weren't met, they would release one alto player every hour.


If lost in the woods, who do you ask for directions - an in-tune tenor sax player, an out-of-tune tenor sax player, or Santa Claus?
The out-of-tune tenor sax player. The other two indicate that you are hallucinating.


One day Timmy came home from school very excited...
"Mommy, Mommy, guess what? Today in English I got all the way to the end of the alphabet, and everyone else got messed up around 'P'!" His mother said, "Very good, dear. That's because you're a bari player." The next day, Timmy was even more excited. "Mommy, Mommy, guess what! Today in math I counted all the way to ten, but everyone else got messed up around seven!" "Very good, dear," his mother replied. "That's because you're a bari player." On the third day, Timmy was beside himself. "Mommy, Mommy, today we measured ourselves and I'm the tallest one in my class! Is that because I'm a bari player?" "No dear," she said. "That's because you're 27 years old."


And the classic, my favourite of all time~

How many bari players does it take to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies?
10. One to stir the batter and nine to peel the M&Ms.

Hope you had a good laugh~ the world needs more laughter... more jokes... and we certainly need more saxophone players for dat! lol! :P