The One Word On My Mind

FUCK.. yes... F.U.C.K FUCK...

i'm frustrated, but dat aint gonna help, i'm tired, i need a break, my jaws are aching, my tongue seems to be about to drop off any minute and my throat's feelin damn sore.

yea, i've been practising, and it's been pretty frustrating, makes u feel like giving up sometimes but no u cant. at least, i know there's been some little improvement. i know dat my embouchure's gotten it in the right place now. lesser tensing in the chin now. but i've gotten a hell lot of squeaks, maybe because of embouchure fatigue. practising straight for an hour can really put alot of strain on the embouchure muscles. u need regular breaks after each interval if not u can risk damaging the muscles around the chin and lips and dat will be disastrous!

practicing for 1/2 - 1 hour each day is much better than practising for 7 hours a day after a 6 day hiatus. such things like technique and skill develop over FREQUENT, CONSTANT practice. dat's how muscle memory works. therefore, to be adept at something, you need to be exposed to it as much as possible, as frequent as possible.

i've realised alot of things throughout these approximate 2 months. One thing is discipline. Sometimes i lack dat and dat sucks because i get lazy. i need to find a way to keep my mind on the right things and not do unnecessary stuff. Focus is another thing. i'd do unnecessary stuff durin practise which wastes time and energy. dat's just stupid but i do it unaware many times. focus, focus on wat i'm supposed to practise.

i told myself dat i'd dedicate at least 10 - 12 hours a day to practise but dat's not really realistic. then i cut down to about 3 - 5 hours. but even so, i felt it was long and really drainin of my energy. I then decided to practice until i got really tired or i felt dat i had enough for the day. i then practised one thing at one time for about 30 mins or until i perfected dat particular exercise.

right now i just need to focus on one single thing and dat is adjusting to the new metal mouthpiece. i now can understand wat ppl mean by u get embouchure fatigue more easily on than on a hard rubber mouthpiece. it's true, i find my embouchure gets tired much faster than when i use the ebonite mouthpiece. but it's good because it really builds up the embouchure muscles.

right now it'll be one more week before i'm into the 2nd month of sax and lots of drastic things have happened. i can play all major scales now, i've played 1 classical etude for now, but most significant than not is the rate at which i'm actually evolving. according to the instructor, he said dat no one switches to a metal mp only after 1 1/2 months into sax trainin. it's almost unheard of. to switch to a metal mp requires utmost control, skill etc to play a nice tone. basically, u gotta be damn good if u want to switch from ebonite to metal. it's alot easier to adapt to a hard rubber mp than a metal one. for me, i take dat as greta encouragement to wanna push the limits further. so can i adapt to this metal mp within 4 lessons? u know wat, i dun think i can... i KNOW I CAN and I WILL adapt to the damn thing :)

so wat's next? more scales, minor scales both melodic and harmonic scales which total 24. dat's a short term goal i've set for myself by years end. a more immediate goal is adapting to the metal Lebayle. after maj and min scales will the fun bit begin. dat's when i'll dabble in blues and jazz scales oooh yeah~ i have 2 months to do all these, which = 8 weeks, = 61 days, = 1464 hours, divided by 2 = 732 hours, taking aways another 200 hours = 532 hours. i'll have about 532 hours of time to practise as much as i can until perhaps i drop dead. hopefully i can practise all 532 hours. i still need to eat and sleep and crap as well but yeah, come Nov and Dec will be the time where i'd pump hard iron, about 8-10 hours, only then can i afford longer practise hours. but i cant afford to be lazy. it is VERY EASY to become lazy :P i know~

sometimes i wonder, will i really be able to make it to the Music & Drama Company? in wat, 1 & 1/2 years from rock bottom?? I dunno, if i dun, i dunno wat i'd be doin in the army, if i do then great cos i'd certainly learn a hell lot there and i'd basically be playin music for 2 1/2 years instead of goin out in the fields crawlin on my front. but well, anything's possible until the deadline has passed :) anyway, dat's an intermediate goal, the current short term goals are out there within my reach and i'm goin all out to achieve them. failure's not an option, surrender's not an option.