Did I Marry The Right Person? / Choose The Right Partner In Life?
It's been a really long time since I blogged :) But tonight i thought i'd share some thoughts :) Recently, a long time fren of mine whom i knew since we were in kindergarten, he's getting married :)
And for a guy to marry at the age of 24 to me is like WOW young la! But i am really happy for him~ He has been with this same girl he met in church for like the past 4 to 5 years. So they have been dating and courting for like half a decade... again, WOW..
And just a while ago, i was reading an article on marriage. Let me copy and paste it here:
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'
In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU .
People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU .
Falling in love is easy . It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship . Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies , instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?'
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages breakdown . People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love .
Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.
Remember this always :
'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I especially agree to the statement: "THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND".
And to me, the same goes for a boy girl relationship. In life, you never ever find the 'right' person to be your girl or boy, but you really take a step of faith and learn to love them no matter how difficult or easy it may be.
I think seriously, one of the goals for myself in 2009 will definitely be in this area ;) haha! Yea i'm serious~ And in all seriousness, i have decided to take a plunge, take a huge step of faith in this area of my life and make things happen :)
I think God has been very very good to me in this area because He really opened up MANY doors.. and i mean like ALOT :) (dat's one of the ways ministry and SOT have impacted my life, i got to know more sisters~) To be honest, i am blessed with much choice, and all i merely have to do, is to really just sit down, pray a whole lot about it (which i've been doing), decide to commit to one girl, plan, take action, and allow God to do His work in our lives.
Did i ever mentioned that this was one area in my life especially whereby i never really worry about? And it's true.. I never ever have to worry dat i won't get attached/married. And i am so dead sure about it, cos i've got this assurance from the Lord~ I can't explain why or how.. but it's in my spirit :)
So.. do i have someone in mind? Hmm.. waddya think.. hahahahaha!
Well, do i know if this person is the 'right' person? Honestly, i dun. And neither does anyone else. But dat's not the question to ask. The correct question will be "Can i love and accept this girl for whoever and whatever she is?" And this is a question which i needa ask myself and which answer only God and I would know :) If you asked me, my answer is clear :)
There's always a price to pay and risks involved as in many things in life. If there aren't any risks or a price involved, then i seriously question whether it's even worth it :) But yea i'm willing to take dat risk, pay dat price. And like i always tell my frens, even if things dun turn out the way i might have hoped it would, the 'worse' scenario would be that we would remain very gd frens :) And dat would still be wonderful :) And dat was wat happened to the previous girl i was interested in :) At present, we remained on talking terms and are good frens~
So.. well, yeah time to take a plunge into the deep end~ But i dun expect to drown~ ;)
And for a guy to marry at the age of 24 to me is like WOW young la! But i am really happy for him~ He has been with this same girl he met in church for like the past 4 to 5 years. So they have been dating and courting for like half a decade... again, WOW..
And just a while ago, i was reading an article on marriage. Let me copy and paste it here:
DID I MARRY THE RIGHT PERSON?
During one of our seminars, a woman asked a common question. She said, 'How do I know if I married the right person?'
I noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so I said, 'It depends. Is that your husband?'
In all seriousness, she answered 'How do you know?'
Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind.
Here's the answer.
EVERY relationship has a cycle. In the beginning, you fell in love with your spouse / partner . You anticipated their call, wanted their touch, and liked their idiosyncrasies (unconventional behavior/habit).
Falling in love with your spouse wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience.
You didn't have to DO anything. That's why it's called 'falling' in love... Because it's happening TO YOU .
People in love sometimes say, 'I was swept of my feet.' Think about the imagery of that __expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something came along and happened TO YOU .
Falling in love is easy . It's a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few years of marriage, the euphoria (excitement) of love fades. It's the natural cycle of EVERY relationship . Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse's idiosyncrasies , instead of being cute, drive you nuts.
The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship, but if you think about your marriage, you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage.
At this point, you and/or your spouse might start asking, 'Did I marry the right person?'
And as you and your spouse reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else.
This is when marriages breakdown . People blame their spouse for their unhappiness and look outside their marriage for fulfillment.
Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most obvious.
But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances.
But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your marriage. It lies within it.
I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else.
You could.
And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this):
THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND.
SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. It'll NEVER just happen to you. You can't 'find' LASTING love. You have to 'make' it day in and day out. That's why we have the __expression 'the labor of love.' Because it takes time, effort, and energy . And most importantly, it takes WISDOM . You have to know WHAT TO DO to make your marriage work.
Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your spouse) to succeed with your marriage.
Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships.
Just as the right diet and exercise program makes you physically stronger, certain habits in your relationship WILL make your marriage stronger.
It's a direct cause and effect. If you know and apply the laws, the results are predictable... you can 'make' love .
Love in marriage is indeed a 'decision'... Not just a feeling.
Remember this always :
'God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let go.'
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I especially agree to the statement: "THE KEY TO SUCCEEDING IN MARRIAGE IS NOT FINDING THE RIGHT PERSON; IT'S LEARNING TO LOVE THE PERSON YOU FOUND".
And to me, the same goes for a boy girl relationship. In life, you never ever find the 'right' person to be your girl or boy, but you really take a step of faith and learn to love them no matter how difficult or easy it may be.
I think seriously, one of the goals for myself in 2009 will definitely be in this area ;) haha! Yea i'm serious~ And in all seriousness, i have decided to take a plunge, take a huge step of faith in this area of my life and make things happen :)
I think God has been very very good to me in this area because He really opened up MANY doors.. and i mean like ALOT :) (dat's one of the ways ministry and SOT have impacted my life, i got to know more sisters~) To be honest, i am blessed with much choice, and all i merely have to do, is to really just sit down, pray a whole lot about it (which i've been doing), decide to commit to one girl, plan, take action, and allow God to do His work in our lives.
Did i ever mentioned that this was one area in my life especially whereby i never really worry about? And it's true.. I never ever have to worry dat i won't get attached/married. And i am so dead sure about it, cos i've got this assurance from the Lord~ I can't explain why or how.. but it's in my spirit :)
So.. do i have someone in mind? Hmm.. waddya think.. hahahahaha!
Well, do i know if this person is the 'right' person? Honestly, i dun. And neither does anyone else. But dat's not the question to ask. The correct question will be "Can i love and accept this girl for whoever and whatever she is?" And this is a question which i needa ask myself and which answer only God and I would know :) If you asked me, my answer is clear :)
There's always a price to pay and risks involved as in many things in life. If there aren't any risks or a price involved, then i seriously question whether it's even worth it :) But yea i'm willing to take dat risk, pay dat price. And like i always tell my frens, even if things dun turn out the way i might have hoped it would, the 'worse' scenario would be that we would remain very gd frens :) And dat would still be wonderful :) And dat was wat happened to the previous girl i was interested in :) At present, we remained on talking terms and are good frens~
So.. well, yeah time to take a plunge into the deep end~ But i dun expect to drown~ ;)
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